17th December 2008

No time - a standard excuse for not being able to do so many things in life though we would want to...that's the excuse i give myself for not updating my blog - "like as if there are millions waiting to read it :)"...
Life is really strange - in spite of all the problems that surround us we still manage to find humour and happy moments...
I believe in a very strong principle which is my eternal mantra for everything - "whatever happens, happens for good". For the moment situation may look bad but as time goes by you only gain from it...
My dearest mom has gone through the knife on the operation table and she had to go through the trauma of loosing her right breast completely...It was a very very difficult decision which me and my sister had to take when the doctors called us in between the operation and told us that they need to remove the whole organ and we need to sign papers for the same.
I was pretty strong till then - but i just could not get myself to sign the papers - for the first time i broke down - not because mom is loosing an organ which the doctors describe as "a mass of fat and flesh" but because as a woman it is very difficult to have a body with this organ missing...i was scared of mom's reaction when she realises what happens!
The operation lasted for about four hours and we were allowed to see her for a brief time - and in her sub conscious state of mind mom was only asking us "why have you removed the whole organ" - she was repeatedly asking only this one question...
That night she was kept in the ICU. Me and my sister stayed back in the hospital as we were scared of how she would react when she gains complete consciousness and if she will be all right...
Next day she was back to the room - and we could see how depressed and sad she was. Once she settled we explained to her why it had be done and how it is supposed to be good for her going forward. The doctors also explained it to her. After a day my mom told me "don't worry i will get used to seeing myself like this. i know it was done for good but sometimes there is a strange fear that takes over me and this fear tells me that i will not look like earlier days.Fear tells me how will i wear a Saree now..." my heart was breaking hearing to her but i had to only tell her things to pacify her...and to keep her brave. I told her whenever this fear is setting in to divert her mind and talk to one of us so that we will help her get over this fear...